quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
