He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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