DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
