why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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