YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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