His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
