I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
