I need help removing her.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
