I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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