He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
