Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
