I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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