That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
