Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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