I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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