i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
