There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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