hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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