Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
