dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
