Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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