I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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