and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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