She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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