so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
