That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
