Your dad touched me again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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