i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
