if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
