Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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