What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
