what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
