mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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