if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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