Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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