I hate your face
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
