Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
