no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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