We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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