Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
