I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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