He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
