I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
