I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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