just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
