Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
