That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
