Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize