I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
