come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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