I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
