im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
