At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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