Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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