Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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