not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
