It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
