so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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