what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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