Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You dont lie about slip and slides
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
