I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
