that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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