it wasn't lemon gatorade
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Randomize
