He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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