So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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