we have pet lesbian snakes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
