I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i have two assholes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Randomize
