margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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