i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
