Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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