everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
