I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
