drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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