just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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